We’ve asked experts for the best tips on how to talk to a potential love interest, and it turns out, it’s not much different than all those other conversations you have every day. It’s just a conversation, after all, and as long as you follow these “dating rules” and are willing to put your heart into it, you could find Mr. Right or Mr. Right Now.
Be yourself. “If you want the best relationship you can have right now and in the future, be true to who you are and what you’re like,” says Nicole Len Jantz, author of the book Love Your Life. So what does that mean? “You have to open your mind and be willing to go out and meet new people.” And, she adds, “always be honest and be yourself.”
Embrace the awkward. If you’re nervous and don’t know what to say, just say something nice. “The biggest mistake I see in my coaching clients is that they wait so long to start a conversation, and they don’t actually start the conversation,” says Dr. Susan Nolen-Hoeksema, author of the book Wired for Love: Unraveling the Mysteries of Modern Relationships. “If you start the conversation with something like ‘I really like your shoes,’ it makes it more personal.”
Know your limitations. “I would suggest you meet a few places,” says Dr. John Norcross, author of the book The Science of Trust and president of the Center for Effective Organizations. “It’s a lot like an on-line dating site. If you’re thinking about meeting someone for a one-on-one meeting, go somewhere public. If you take the approach of going to a bar and having a drink, you’re going to do better with introductions.” And, he adds, “By going to several public places, you avoid the problem of appearing to be picky, as if you’re only looking at people in a one-on-one setting. As you get better at dating, you’ll find that you do a better job at meeting people of different personality types and different lifestyles.”
Keep the conversation going. “And if you do start a conversation,” says Nolen-Hoeksema, “keep it going. Don’t let it die on the vine. Think about, what’s the next thing you can say? Or, keep asking questions. The single, greatest mistake a potential date can make is to come on too strong and https://russian-woman-dating.com/get-russian-hookup-news-best-sex-workers-search-in-moscow/
Maintaining a Sense of Humor
No one wants a pompous, defensive, or self-involved date. And although there’s nothing wrong with being confident and secure, let’s face it: You’re putting yourself out there, and that means there’s a chance things might not go as smoothly as planned. Don’t let nervousness get the best of you, because there’s nothing to be afraid of—if anything, this is your chance to shine and be yourself. But you’ll need to be yourself in a way that will keep you relaxed and able to enjoy the date.
You have to set limits on who you accept as a date. Say you really like your date, but you just can’t be seen with him or her any more. You’d hate to lose out on a potential relationship because you gave it a chance, but you also don’t want to be awkward about it because you’d hate to come across as needy.
Be honest when setting clear boundaries on who you will date. If you’re not attracted to a particular person and think that your expectations of a relationship will be incompatible, you have to say so. “Unfortunately,” says Alexandra Petri, “not knowing how to put these things together has caused a lot of dating disasters.” She recommends setting a strategy of going into any given situation with a clear plan. Do you want to go for drinks at a bar? Are you looking for something more? You need to be honest with yourself and your potential date(s) so that you don’t wind up making a horrible situation worse than it has to be.
If you find yourself in a conversation with someone you can’t imagine having sex with, you need to take a moment to assess your problem. For example, you may find yourself thinking, “Well, I really like this guy, but he’s too much of a sport for me. I just can’t get into it with him.” Do you feel bad if you have to break things off with someone you really like? Say that you’d like to go out with that person for a second time, but you just don’t see this relationship heading anywhere. Don’t lie to yourself. You can be honest with yourself and your feelings, but also maintain a sense of humor about it.
Take time for Yourself
Being a young professional is hard. The days are long, and when you have no time for yourself, it’s difficult to stay positive. What’s the point in getting out there in the